The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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