tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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