I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
