How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
