Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
