did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
