Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
