I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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