Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
