Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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