I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
