a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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