she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
