Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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