Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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