Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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