shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We are all done wearing pants today
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
