I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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