you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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