Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
