WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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