get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
