Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize