Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
my poor anus
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
