he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
