I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
