we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
