he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
