I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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