bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
