Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't deserve a penis
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
