Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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