What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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