are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize