she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
