we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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