I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
