I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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