I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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