So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
