Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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