I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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