so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I smell like Dick and happiness
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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