I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
