she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
