I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
