Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
