Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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