Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
