between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize