I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
