Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize