I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
