Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
