to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
