I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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