You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize