at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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