you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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