i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Two words: blizzard sex
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
