used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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