Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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