whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
