I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
