TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
