It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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