Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
