i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
