You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
