EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
