i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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