white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
