It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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