All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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