His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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