guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
