No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
