I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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