New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize