at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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