His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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