I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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