I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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