I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he was CRYING into my vagina
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize
