At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
