i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize