we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
