I think I won the penis lottery.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
