for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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