i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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