You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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